Who is Baby T?

The perfect recipe

Mr T and I have had lots of conversations about our baby girl as you can imagine. We talk about what she might be like, who she will look more like, if she will be a teacher….Our process has been sped forward somewhat, with the thoughts of being parents being a bit closer than we originally thought….we have sped read on labour, nicu and preterm babies. So it is nice to stop and think about the little person at the centre of all this and how wonderful she is going to be. It is a nice way to escape the seriousness and at times scary journey we travel.

Mostly though we think she is going to be a fighter. Strong, courageous and healthy.  I have a good feeling about her; that she is going to be able to cope with whatever life throws her way.

Baby T is going to be creative, a little bit cheeky, a little bit of Mummy and a little bit of Daddy. Stubborn, impatient, free spirited, independent and head strong like Mummy. Nurturing, loyal, inspiring and focused like Daddy. The mixture will add a little bit of curiosity, happy go lucky, adventure and down to earth to create a beautiful Baby T.

Baby T is a girl, so she will of course be beautiful, and we hope she will be whatever she wants to be. I want her to be girly but not too girly, and to protect her from the gender stereotypes in our big wide world. She will we be her own woman. I don’t want her to be stuck in a female profession if she does not want to be…she can be an engineer, a fire fighter, a pilot…whatever she chooses. She can have barbie dolls and like Disney princesses if she likes, but she can also have lego and building sets too.

Little Baby T will be special no matter what the outcome, and we will love her all the same, firefighter, florist, musician, or teacher……24 weeks, 3 days and counting!

Hospital: Day One

Eeeeeek!

Here we are…all quite surreal today, feeling like a bit of a whirlwind! Thinking back over the last four weeks, it all seems a bit hard to remember how we got here. In my trackie pants and hoodie, I hopped into the car this morning with Mr T, and we left our little house in Cranbourne North to enter the world of the total unknown. Packed way too much as usual, as I was totally unsure of what to expect, the midwives probably think I’m staying for good!

Jerry dropped me out the front, parked the car and took me in…many interesting and varied sights I saw, before I even entered the front door.  

On arrival everybody was lovely, and there are three other lovely ladies in my ward also all on bed rest. Some of them have been here for weeks already. Nice positive vibes…

We had another scan today with the obstetrician, carted around in a rickety old wheelchair by Mr T through the halls of Jessie Mc. Good news and bad with today’s scan, but not surprising news.

Baby T is growing very well, already measuring at 750g, about a week and few days ahead of her current gestation. She is also a girl, which gives her another good chance of survival outside my tummy, I’ve had my steroid shots, my membranes and waters are intact and my placenta is functioning as it is supposed to, and keeping her safe. My cervix is still misbehaving and has now started to open, dilated by .5cm- with the constant and gradual shortening I have experienced so far this is what I expected today. The obstetrician suggests that at this stage there is no way of predicting what can happen, but that as I have had no signs of preterm labour as yet, it is likely that my cervix is weak and incompetent…we won’t know for sure until the next time we get pregnant (right now though….that will never, ever be happening!!)

They will monitor me from now on, and the obstetrician will come to visit every day to check on me and my weak parts. There is another new treatment they will give me over the next few days through an IV. They give you magnesium over a four hour period, to further prevent brain damage in little BabyT, that will probably happen over the next couple of days.

I’ve ordered my meals for the next few days, and the food is actually pretty good. Tonight was roast lamb and veggies.

Mr T is holding up super well and is such a gentlemen, he will stay with me as long as he can tonight until I get sleepy, so I can get through my first hospital night.

We passed the time tonight…looked at each other a lot, watched an episode of Entourage on my laptop, ate some chocolate, and looked at each other some more.

All in all though, another day down, another day better for Baby T…keep on cooking Baby Girl…

Nerves!

Short and sweet, basically a bundle of nerves today…feeling nervous about going to hospital tomorrow; and possibly still full from eating too much tea last night. Nearly packed my hospital bag, just a few more things to grab. Worried about not being able to snuggle up with Mr T at night, and being alone in a hospital at night with strange noises and sounds. I’ve never liked being away from home for very long. Maybe after this Mr T will be able to convince me on the long overseas holidays we have talked about.

A very active Baby T today, who has spent most of the day moving, bumping and kicking into regions down below. It’s already fragile down there, I don’t need any more help…and these are big moves she was pulling today. Maybe it’s the steroids turning her into Baby Hulk!

Nervous for tomorrow, the day after that and all the other days too!

Mr T, Family & Friends...

My nearest and dearest

It was December 2007, at an end of year function that I first met my husband to be, actually it was in the staffroom earlier that day…but the real memories come from lunch time that day. I was beginning my first full time job as a primary teacher, and had been invited along to attend the Christmas lunch in the library prior to commencing my role the following year.

My first impressions were not that good really…I thought Mr T was quite loud and a little bit of a footy jock type…I left that day not thinking much more about any of it.

It wasn’t until the following year in the cold of winter that we really started to talk to each other…leading up to this Mr T (or music man as I called him back then) would bring my class back to my room before lunch. I always knew he had come into my room because he wore nice perfume and smelled yummy (even if it was on the strong side sometimes). I also thought he brought everybody’s classes back to their rooms, apparently not. There were some awkward exchanges of conversation as we swapped yard duties outside, or sat near each other in the staff room to eat lunch. I was totally clueless and didn’t even know Mr T liked me.

Our ‘getting together’ required the assistance of others and a carefully set up evening was prepared as part of a going away party for some colleagues heading overseas. A few pints of beer does wonders for starting any conversations…and we have been inseparable ever since.

In January 2011, I married this beautiful man, and given our current circumstances have been reminded of all the reasons why we are so perfect for each other. Our relationship is built upon all the good stuff you need to cope with things like this, and despite the eventual outcome a second predetermined ending has already been written, we will still have each other.

Some days are like this:

I cry, he cuddles me…I cry again, he reassures me…I cry more, he comforts and calms me….

Others like this:

Robyn: Cup of tea? Some chocolate? Dried fruit? I need some Benefibre pretty please???

Or even this:

Jerry: Sit down, I’ll get the cup of tea for you, put your feet up, should be sitting down by now?

For the first time in my life, I feel nothing like the strong, confident, independent, head strong stubborn woman I usually am. I have never had to rely or lean on those around me quite as much as I have now! All I want is for someone else to look after me, help me and be the all the things I am not at the moment. Mr T has the uncanny knack of making everything feel safe, he has taken in the role of Terminator- unbreakable, focused and determined.

Our incredible families are equally amazing, I can only imagine…and am beginning to understand that as a parent all you want for our own children is the very best, and for them to be protected and kept safe from such curve balls as this one that life can send your way. Mr T and I have both been raised by some pretty amazing people, made of tough stuff and plenty of resilience, which is helping us through…eternally grateful to these lovely parents of ours.

Friends are just as special, the overwhelming (at times) shows just how many lovely people Mr T and I have surrounded ourselves with over the years, and the value of true friendships really shines through in times like these. Words of late that resonate most profoundly are heartfelt words for the strength and courage people believe we have to get through, and the many thoughts of positivity and white light being sent out way. My favourite words come from a wise lady who told me that you have more power to succeed than you realise…here’s hoping!!

Welcome

Welcome to MummyT@home. I decided to start blogging while pregnant with our first little blessing when I encountered some unexpected complications during my pregnancy. It was discovered at an ultrasound that I had a shortened cervix. The result....lots of time at home!

I spent hours googling and researching my situation, and looked for other women who had been through similar experiences to myself. I was able to find lots of overseas blogs, but not much on my own doorstep.

This is a blog about my journey through pregnancy and all the things I did while at home to keep myself occupied.

Terrible, traumatic, turbulent Thursday….

A Game Of Chess...

Not my favourite day this week. I had optimistically worn my positive boots to the obstetrician this afternoon for my appointment. I was hoping for a miracle and, and that the ob would tell me that my cervix had reclosed and was back to healthy length =)

News however was not in our favour. Today’s ultrasound revealed my cervix had shortened to 2mm. Hospital for me now from Monday, to be closely monitored and observed, probably until baby T arrives…the safest place to be now for mummy and baby.

Having been somewhat of a medical virgin before all this the thought of hospital for an extended period is a little daunting…

I also received my first steroid injection yesterday to prepare us for the worst case scenario that Baby T can’t wait and is delivered before next week. The second follow up injection was today. Praying to the gods that I can get to next Saturday 4^th July, even at only 25 weeks her chances of surviving increase dramatically, and obviously improve every day after that. Once you reach the 28-29 week mark the survival rate reaches close to 100%. That would be a very happy day indeed, worthy of dancing…

It’s still not impossible that I will make it to 30 weeks or even full term, no one can predict what my body will decide to do.

The positive in this situation is that at least we have had time to prepare somewhat for the idea that Baby T is going to be a very premature baby girl. I have spent time in the last 24hours looking up what happens in the NICU (Neonatal Intensive Care Unit) at hospitals, common complications and diseases often encountered, how you are able to still bond with and touch your baby, and looked at possible long term side effects/disabilities major and minor that can effect premmie babies. There are heaps of good Australian premmie foundations too that can link you with other families, we will definitely be donating to such institutions in the future, (even if baby T arrives on time).

Last night was extremely difficult, the one I have found hardest so far. It’s difficult to explain the emotions you experience, it’s almost like a type of grief. My tears just flow, because of all the over whelming emotions I feel at once. My darling Mr T was once again a superstar and lied awake in bed with me until the wee hours of the morning until I had fallen asleep. He decided to teach me the game of chess (at one o’clock in the morning). I enjoyed it so much I have asked if we can play again this morning. I think it might become a regular thing to help me get to sleep at night…

I’m not quite sure why life has thrown such an unexpected curve ball our way, but know that Mr T and I are a pretty special couple of people who will be strong enough to approach what is yet to come. The primary focus for us right now is to keep the three of us as healthy as can be.

Deep, deep breaths, one day, one hour, one game of chess at a time.

Waking up on Sundays

Survival Tip #73

Each Sunday morning I lay in bed, is another week passed in the great pregnancy waiting game. A mini celebration; worthy of spontaneous dancing, cheer leaders and streamers. With a shortened cervix however, one must celebrate in a more demure and restrained manner.  So, in celebration of making another week further towards a happy healthy baby girl, Mr T and I have begun our own special ritual.

Wanting something to look forwards to at the end of each week, and as a cheeky little escape from home we have started going out for breakfast each Sunday morning, to our favourite local café. A nice way to smell the fresh air, see the outside world and escape the four walls of our delightful house with which I have become so familiar.

Our first outing however did not go as planned….of course!

We arrived ready to eat, but it was so busy there were no tables available. Keen for some of their scrambled eggs we agreed to wait at the counter for a table to become available. We waited, seated at the counter as new customers continued to build up behind us…then a table was available, surely that could be for us….well…no…it wasn’t.

The staff were very busy, appeared to be having some technical issues, and looked flustered and frantic. A waiter different to the one who had greeted us asked another couple behind us if they were ready to be seated…..we were there first….

Sensing defeat, a grumpy husband worried about his fragile pregnant wife, and the feeling that breakfast could turn into lunch, we tried another café down the road. Definitely not as scrumptious, but food was eaten and tummies filled.

I think we will try again next week…

What it means when they tell you that you have a shortened cervix…

Practicing my patience...

To date I have loved being pregnant, with relatively little sickness and symptoms, I have enjoyed the feeling of growing a mini Mr T & Mrs T in my tummy. I get now what people mean when they say…”everything changes when you have kids.” Our little girl is already loved, before we have even met her. We talk about what she will be like, and the things we will do with our new little family. 

The greatest discussions we had before our 20 week ultrasound was whether we would find out the gender of little Baby T (that’s another post!). At our appointment, we excitedly watched the sonographer point out all the perfectly formed parts of our baby girl, she was growing as expected, wriggling around and just as she should be…absolutely beautiful!

Baby T was in the way of my cervix during my abdominal scan, so an internal ultrasound (a rather unpleasant surprise when not prepared for such a procedure) was required. Very professionally we were told that my cervix was quite short (1.9cm) for this stage of pregnancy and that we would need to see our obstetrician for some further discussions.

That’s where it all started….

Unknown to Mr T and I, my cervix and been quietly shortening from the inside in a very quick manner over the last few weeks. Basically a shortened cervix increases your risk of having preterm labour and a premature baby, not an ideal outcome…Baby T has a lot more growing to do before she’s ready…she can’t arrive yet!!!

Over the next few weeks I had two further internal scans with further shortening appearing each time (1.4cm & .9cm). By this stage my obstetrician had transferred us over to a new doctor, who regularly manages such high risk pregnancies (a younger man, and easy on the eye too!).

As all teachers would in my situation I researched the heck out of what was going on with my body, found forums, medical research papers, and wistfully searched for hours looking for positive stories of other women who had experienced the situation I had found myself. I wanted to know:

• How could it be fixed?
• What could I do to make it better?
• Did I do anything to make my cervix short?
• What were the expected outcomes?

Turns out…it’s just one of those phenomenons that medical research is yet to find a cause or reason for. I have been taking progesterone pessaries which help to stabilise the uterus and maintain the pregnancy, stopped work and am ‘resting’ at home, attend my Ob weekly for scans, and have developed an action plan with my Ob; starting at the end of this week with some steroid injections to boost Baby T should she decide to come earlier than planned. That’s about all we can do…and be patient. Patience balanced with uncertainty…I have all the patience in the world for our little girl to stay in there as long as she needs to, there is no rush to meet her…hopefully she feels the same way.

My nice looking Ob explained that in first pregnancies like mine they tend to avoid the cerclage or the ‘stitch’ as there is no way of telling at this stage that my cervix is shortening because it is weak (which would make me a candidate for a stitch in future pregnancies) OR that I am simply ‘ripening’ too soon in this pregnancy. They tend to avoid the procedure in first pregnancies too to reduce the risks of introducing infection or actually breaking the waters (not ideal).

How has this affected my pregnancy to date? 

I have learnt that I will not take the miracle of life for granted ever again, such a precious thing, yet so fragile and easy to take away. I am learning to deal with what constant worry feels like, at times I need to take deep breaths to calm my pounding heart, and reframe my thinking to help me sleep at night. I worry over every little cramp, twinge, sore body part and have complete empathy for all the other women out there who have ever experienced what I consider to be one of the scariest experiences of my life. I also now get a little annoyed when I read and hear other pregnant women complaining about how they hate being pregnant, how they feel fat and ugly, can’t wait for it all to be over…blah, blah…If this is the only thing you had to worry about I would be embracing those feelings and emotions with all my mite, relishing each and every pound added, nauseous feeling and craving I ever had! While everyone is entitled to express how they feel, and all women experience pregnancy in their own way…I can’t help but feel these complaints are purely selfish and superficial.

So now we wait…very patiently, with literally everything crossed…hopefully until October to meet our little girl.

Getting Crafty

A Bright, Crafty Inspiration...

I have always loved craftiness, and with plenty of time on my hands lately, thought I would share with you a project I have worked on recently.

Throwing all my thinking into positivity and belief that my baby girl is going to be a happy, healthy one, I set upon a project for her nursery. (Mind you I have very little else purchased or prepared at this stage) What I love most is that this project used something old that was otherwise destined for the op-shop, and turned it into something I will love to look at (and hopefully so will baby girl) for many years to come!

I multi-purposed an old bedside touch lamp. I love the functionality of a touch lamp, no ferreting around in the dark for the elusive switch, and the convenience of three levels of light. The problem with this lamp though, was the look and design...not very cute or nursery appropriate. I did not need to buy any materials for this, I used up lots of bits I had in my craft room.

The finished product looked like this:

 

 

To create this project you will need the following:

- Old lamp shade
- Assorted ribbons & fabric strips
- Spray paint (I chose bright yellow and white to match my nursery theme)

1. I dismantled all parts of lamp and sprayed two coats of colour onto each part for coverage.
2. Establish your colour theme, mine is rainbow and bright, so I used a variety of ribbons and fabric.
3. Next I tied the ribbons and fabric in sections, securing each ribbon with a double knot., Work your way around the lamp until you have the desired amount of coverage.
4. There is plenty of room for variation in this project...Change up the colours, tie ribbons vertically, even create a weave...
4. Put your lamp back together and enjoy your bright, crafty inspiration.

Keeping My Feet Up

How to survive "Resting" @ Home

As a pregnant Mummy to be, I will do anything possible to preserve the life of my unborn baby girl. For me, being told at 20 weeks that I would need to stop working and put my feet up for the next half of my pregnancy was a bit of a shock! Good bye doggy walks, prenatal yoga classes, work, normal life as I knew it.

I am a fit Mummy, I am a busy little lady, I love to cook, I love my work and most of all I have always been in control...of nearly everything.

The sudden impact of my shortened cervix hit home hard, pregnancy suddenly became frightening, scary and completely unpredictable....as I have read in many other blog posts and chat forums, my main goal is to now keep this little one cookin' for as long as I can...

The following are a list of suggestions I have found useful in helping me feel as normal as possible while doing mostly nothing at home...

1. Keep a routine: For me, I stick to my old routine as much as possible. I go to bed and wake up at regular times, eat meals at regular times, and fill my day with a timetable of sorts to break my day into smaller parts.

2. Set goals: Small milestones, made it all seem much more achievable for me. I have goals to get from one doctors appointment to the next and keep a calendar on my fridge where I cross off each day. I have nearly reached my first goal of 24 weeks, the next one after that is 28 then 30, 32, 34 etc.

3. Positive self talk: I find that on my dark days ( I have those!) it is usually because I have succumbed to the negative thoughts about all the terrible things that could happen. These days result in tears and my husband picking up the pieces left at the end of the day. I believe there is no point thinking about what could happen....so I have decided to focus on what I want to happen and just keep thinking those thoughts...

4. Do what you feel like doing: Lots of things I have read talk about catching up on TV, reading books, cross words, painting your nails.....really though, do what you love. For me, I found comfort in colouring, crafting and online shopping (oops). Do things that inspire and keep your mind active and engaged. I have had days where all I have been capable of mentally is reclining in front of the TV all day...just do what makes you feel happy.

5. Keep talking: Being at home can feel isolating and quite lonely. Talk to your family and friends honestly about how you are feeling. Cry, laugh, complain with them. keep them in the loop about how you are going. Some people don't know how to respond (I've lost count of the "that would be nice", "watch lots of TV", "I wish I could stay at home"), that's ok too. Everyone has different ways of responding.