Terrible, traumatic, turbulent Thursday….

A Game Of Chess...

Not my favourite day this week. I had optimistically worn my positive boots to the obstetrician this afternoon for my appointment. I was hoping for a miracle and, and that the ob would tell me that my cervix had reclosed and was back to healthy length =)

News however was not in our favour. Today’s ultrasound revealed my cervix had shortened to 2mm. Hospital for me now from Monday, to be closely monitored and observed, probably until baby T arrives…the safest place to be now for mummy and baby.

Having been somewhat of a medical virgin before all this the thought of hospital for an extended period is a little daunting…

I also received my first steroid injection yesterday to prepare us for the worst case scenario that Baby T can’t wait and is delivered before next week. The second follow up injection was today. Praying to the gods that I can get to next Saturday 4^th July, even at only 25 weeks her chances of surviving increase dramatically, and obviously improve every day after that. Once you reach the 28-29 week mark the survival rate reaches close to 100%. That would be a very happy day indeed, worthy of dancing…

It’s still not impossible that I will make it to 30 weeks or even full term, no one can predict what my body will decide to do.

The positive in this situation is that at least we have had time to prepare somewhat for the idea that Baby T is going to be a very premature baby girl. I have spent time in the last 24hours looking up what happens in the NICU (Neonatal Intensive Care Unit) at hospitals, common complications and diseases often encountered, how you are able to still bond with and touch your baby, and looked at possible long term side effects/disabilities major and minor that can effect premmie babies. There are heaps of good Australian premmie foundations too that can link you with other families, we will definitely be donating to such institutions in the future, (even if baby T arrives on time).

Last night was extremely difficult, the one I have found hardest so far. It’s difficult to explain the emotions you experience, it’s almost like a type of grief. My tears just flow, because of all the over whelming emotions I feel at once. My darling Mr T was once again a superstar and lied awake in bed with me until the wee hours of the morning until I had fallen asleep. He decided to teach me the game of chess (at one o’clock in the morning). I enjoyed it so much I have asked if we can play again this morning. I think it might become a regular thing to help me get to sleep at night…

I’m not quite sure why life has thrown such an unexpected curve ball our way, but know that Mr T and I are a pretty special couple of people who will be strong enough to approach what is yet to come. The primary focus for us right now is to keep the three of us as healthy as can be.

Deep, deep breaths, one day, one hour, one game of chess at a time.