Baby Rockets and Space Stations
Before we begin, it’s nice to note all the good things Lily
has done in the last 48 hours.
- Lily has got a little heavier and passed her birth weight, now sitting at 786g…
- Lily has perfectly functioning bowels…the poo poos have begun...
The NICU is like a space station, each baby in their own
mini rocket ship, hooked up to drips, tubes and air. We have joked that Lily’s
first mobile is the stainless steel, multi-prong hooks which hang above her bed
and hold the medicines and fluids she is hooked up to. I don’t think she will
like the cute birdies and love hearts I have made for her when she comes home…
A baby like Lily born at 25 weeks will be in the NICU until
at least her due date, give or take a few days…or weeks. If you goes well she
may come out a little earlier, however for each set back, infection or
complication she encounters more time is added to her stay. Today is Lily’s 11th
day…it is 94 days until October 17, Lily’s original due date.
We have been told it will be hard, there will be ups and
downs. I am recording the all the good things so we can look back at the good
stuff Lily does when things are not going so great.
 |
| Lily's hand compared to Daddy's finger |
There have been a few tough days, even though Lily has already
celebrated a full week of life and is now 26 weeks old (nearly 27). Sometimes
when we go to see her my heart sinks for her, melts, shrivels up and wilts like
a dead rose. The last couple of days the tubes intubating Lily to help her
breath are getting too small for her, so lots of air that she would be
breathing is leaking out and causing her oxygen levels to swing up and down
rapidly, each over or under saturation of oxygen sets her alarm off, sometimes
constantly over periods of 15minutes. I hate the alarm sound. Doctors are also
treating the duct which is open in her heart with nurofen, so they will try and
wait a few days to see if it closes the duct, rather than intubate her again,
to avoid unnecessary trauma for Lily.
The heavy feeling in your heart is one we have become used
to lately, there isn’t a moment in a day when you don’t think about Lily. You
feel guilty for not being there all the time, restless when you are not with
her, and irritable as you get ready to go in, as you can’t make it happen quick
enough.
It is comforting as you enter the NICU; the hand sanitiser,
hospital smell and warmth have become the smell of Lily that you desperately
hold onto as you leave each day, and make your way back to the car park,
freshness (and coldness currently) of the outdoors.
At the moment it is nice to go with Mr T, it will be harder
once he goes back to work. We are much stronger when we are together. I’ve
become quite dependent on Mr T, he has looked after me so well over the last 6
weeks, that it will take me a while to get used to being on my own again. I’ll
have to navigate the corridors on my own, pack my lunch and remember not to
forget things, I think the scariest part will be driving again, and the
hospital car park…that place is crazy!
The human body is amazing at times like this…In among all
the anxiety, worry, fear, stress and anger there is a surreal sense of calm
with everything else happening outside of the hospital…nothing else that
happens beyond Lily matters. Traffic jams, running out of muesli, even at a
stretch Mr T’s nose blowing…none of it matters…just Lily!
No comments:
Post a Comment